Jeremy vs. The Basement, Pt. 3566
Attentive readers may recall that I've been doing battle with all of the detritus in my basement for quite a while.
I spent a while down there again yesterday, trying to throw shit away in the brief time I had before I got all weepy and sentimental and starting putting away stupid meaningless pieces of ephemera to 'look at again a little later' and make a final decision about later. When I make more than three piles, I try to make it a rule to stop and come back after my resolve is hardened to be a more efficient, cutthroat and heartless archivist. Petty emotions must not stand in the way of a less-cluttered basement!
At some point, standing surrounded by teetering boxes of crap, I had a satori of sorts.
These memories that I'm hoarding in the basement, I need to let them go. The strongest ones are already in me - they're what make me me. The others - well, I try to keep this in my mind as I'm sifting through the offal of my years. If my basement was struck by a tornado and I lost everything in it, would I miss those things?
Well, no. Maybe it's all of this zen crap I've been reading, but I feel like at least one precept has started to sink in: nothing lasts forever. Our unhappiness really is caused by allowing ourselves to become stupidly attached to things. This is actually a pretty basic part of Buddhism - the first of the Four Noble Truths.
So I suppose there's a weird sort of parental pride in my (then three-year old) son's reaction to seeing his mom fight back tears as she explained why our cat wouldn't ever be coming back from the vet. Ever.
"It's okay, mom", he said, giving her a hug, "Everything dies."
Wow.
Probably this seems simple and obvious and even pedantic to you. It's a big deal to me.
Attentive readers may recall that I've been doing battle with all of the detritus in my basement for quite a while.
I spent a while down there again yesterday, trying to throw shit away in the brief time I had before I got all weepy and sentimental and starting putting away stupid meaningless pieces of ephemera to 'look at again a little later' and make a final decision about later. When I make more than three piles, I try to make it a rule to stop and come back after my resolve is hardened to be a more efficient, cutthroat and heartless archivist. Petty emotions must not stand in the way of a less-cluttered basement!
At some point, standing surrounded by teetering boxes of crap, I had a satori of sorts.
These memories that I'm hoarding in the basement, I need to let them go. The strongest ones are already in me - they're what make me me. The others - well, I try to keep this in my mind as I'm sifting through the offal of my years. If my basement was struck by a tornado and I lost everything in it, would I miss those things?
Well, no. Maybe it's all of this zen crap I've been reading, but I feel like at least one precept has started to sink in: nothing lasts forever. Our unhappiness really is caused by allowing ourselves to become stupidly attached to things. This is actually a pretty basic part of Buddhism - the first of the Four Noble Truths.
So I suppose there's a weird sort of parental pride in my (then three-year old) son's reaction to seeing his mom fight back tears as she explained why our cat wouldn't ever be coming back from the vet. Ever.
"It's okay, mom", he said, giving her a hug, "Everything dies."
Wow.
Probably this seems simple and obvious and even pedantic to you. It's a big deal to me.
I'm with you - it's a huge deal, and hard. Having gone through a couple significant divestitures, I have to say that (for me) it was good in the long run. But since mine were hasty, forced by circumstances, and hobbled by other constraints, there are some things I regret not still having... but only a few, and things that I clearly have been able to live without. I think you'll fare better.
Your point about memories is powerful, and a double-edged sword. Remember when you wrote this, back in 2001? - "Today is the sort of day that every little thing reminds me of something stupid or embarrassing I've done, usually very small, usually very far in the past." That post sticks with me still.
Yes, and knowing the backstory of some of your largish divestitures, I must say that I am envious of how you've managed.
The buddhism thing is definitely helping me come to terms with that awful long-term guilt and/or embarassment. It's still there, but I'm getter better at following this nugget:
"That thing that you're bothered by from the past?
Can you do anything about it?
Then do it!
Can you not?
Then why be concerned about it?"
Didn't you once have a song or something about reclaiming your head from another?