I was twenty-two - going on twenty-three - when I finished my first go-round with undergraduate studies. Whether I was nineteen or twenty-two, it was not a time filled with reason for me.

It's easy now to say I would have done well to take some time off before entering Beloit College fresh from high school in 1985, some time to work or travel the country or simply lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I didn’t rebel against being in college, but I certainly didn’t throw myself into my studies with the same vigor with which I pursued my other interests – girls, music and beer (probably not listed in order). I didn’t fail, but my grade point average hovers around 2.0 in depressingly eternal testimony that I was not a strong student then.

The records from my recent studies, however, undertaken to finish the B.A. I began back in 1985, paint a much rosier picture – a 3.4 GPA and GRE scores that made the test proctor gasp lightly when she saw them. I’m a better student now, and I've realized both how much I enjoy learning and how learning does not need to lead to the exclusion of the other things I enjoy.

I feel smarter, too. I'm still in love with the authors I've been in love with since high school - Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac, Hunter Thompson - but authors like J.P Donleavy, Russell Banks, Jayne Anne Phillips,,, Debra Monroe and Frederick Exley have joined them. Where I once read uncritically, I now find it difficult to read without questioning motives, examining structure and considering how everything fits together - the culture of the authors, their sociology, their history. I find that I've unintentionally become a scholar of the work of the Beats and some related authors from the sixties and seventies, as well as the ins and outs of their milieu.

But why attempt graduate school? Surely I must be satisfied with just finishing my degree? Why carry on with school?

I’m afraid I don’t have a stunning, leave-you-speechless answer to that question. I’m not pursuing an M.A. because it makes sense on my academic track – taking fifteen years to complete my Bachelor’s doesn’t really suggest academia is my future, particularly since I’ve been working full-time since 1990. I’m not going after a secondary degree because I think it will get me ahead in my career — my ability to communicate well in writing and speaking puts me head and shoulders above most of my colleagues in the technical world already.

I’m moving forward with my studies because, during the gap between my periods of college attendance, I realized something important about myself: I love writing.

When I first entered college, I liked writing, but I was filled with suspicion and distrust. If I like doing it, how can it be a realistic path to follow? Isn’t it really a hobby, then? I asked myself. I considered majors in physics, history and government before I succumbed and declared myself an English major in my junior year. I didn’t believe my excitement about writing would lead to anything tangible.

I still don’t. At my age and at this point in my chosen career, I don’t think an advanced degree in English will make me a millionaire (or even a thousandaire). And while I might choose to pursue a PhD at some point, it's not currently in my long-range vision.

I love writing, and I’m not bad at it. But I could be better. Much better. I also have found, during the completion of my BA, that I like school – I like the classes, the interaction with my peers, teaching and learning. I want to pursue further training and knowledge, and the best place I can imagine doing that is in the graduate writing program at UW-M, where I believe I will be challenged to improve and hone my skills.

I have asked Tom McBride (my professor and advisor at Beloit), James Liddy, Carolyn Washburne (who both taught me at UW-M) and my friend Francesca Abbate (a fellow student at Beloit and now a PhD candidate in the English program at UW-M) to write recommendations for me. I believe that Professors McBride, Washburne and Liddy will attest to my strengths as a student and writer, while Ms. Abbate has been a long-time friend, colleague and critic and should be able to attest to my skills as a writer, my potential as a student and member of the writing program and my devotion to completing my education.